Alone

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She was sitting alone. In the middle of the floor wondering how she got there, wondering what went wrong. What did she do? How did she manage to mess everything up again? She could hear everyone in the living room laughing and talking as if nothing were wrong. She wished she could join them. The girl was surrounded by people who cared about her, but she couldn’t help but feel alone. She wished her pain would go away and everything could be okay again. The more imperfections she saw in the girl staring back at her, the more bright, red blood stained her favorite white dress. The girl wanted to stop. She wanted him to love her again and take back all the hurtful things he said to her. He didn’t mean what he said and hitting her was only an accident. He would never hurt her like that again. She wanted to believe this.

Savannah’s mom found her the next morning lying on the floor. She couldn’t tell if her eighteen year old daughter was breathing or not. The ambulance came and took Savannah away while her mother tried to keep herself together long enough to get her younger brother to school. She had to stop on the way to the hospital to pull herself together before she saw her daughter. She didn’t want her daughter, Savannah, to see how much she had hurt her. Her own daughter had tried to take her life. Where did she go wrong as a mother? When she got to the hospital she saw Savannah lying in the white hospital bed. She looked too pale and skinny. How had she not seen the signs of her depressed teenager?

Savannah slowly woke up, wondering where she was and how she got there. When she saw her mom in the corner with bloodshot eyes she immediately knew what she had done. She didn’t mean for it to go that far. Savannah didn’t want to hurt her family she just wanted to get away from the pain. She broke into tears and apologized at least a million times. She hated that she was still here. She let a stupid boy get the best of her and break her down into nothing. She swore she wouldn’t let it happen again. When her best friend slowly walked into the room to see her, she knew she had made a mistake. She would be okay eventually. It might take a while to feel better, but she knew it would happen. This was the bottom and the only place to go from here was up. Her friend hugged her and broke into tears and begged her never to do anything like that again. Savannah promised she would never let anything like that happen again.

Savannah finally got to go home the next day and her mother refused to take her eyes off her. She tried to reassure her mother that she would be fine, but her mother continued to hover. Savannah had to go back to school the following day. She knew people would stare at her and ask questions. She wasn’t ready to hear what people would say about her. When she walked into school that Tuesday, all eyes were on her. She could hear all the other students whispering and talking about her. Savannah even heard one girl say to her friend that she wished Savannah would’ve actually gone through with it. She couldn’t believe what people were saying. People she thought were her friends wouldn’t even look at her. The time when she needed people the most, Savannah had no one.

By fourth period Savannah had left school. She couldn’t handle what people were saying anymore. She went home and locked herself in her room. When her mom got home, she ran around the house trying to find Savannah. The school called and said Savannah had gone home early. Her mother ran to her room and started yelling at her to open the door. Savannah opened the door and reassured her mother that she was fine. She would try to go back to school tomorrow. Her mom told her she could take a couple more days if she needed to, but Savannah knew she needed to get back as soon as possible. Tomorrow would be better. She knew what to expect and who would be there for her. She had her best friend, and that was all she needed. When she woke up on Wednesday, she was ready to face everyone again. She would make it through the whole day today.

Things were better today. People weren’t staring as much and she only heard a few remarks made about her.  Between second and third period a boy came up to Savannah and asked how she was feeling. She had seen this boy around school before but had never talked to him. He grabbed her books and walked her to class. He did this the rest of the day and she learned his name was Zachary and he was a new student this year. He had moved from a different state and was a senior like Savannah. Him walking her to her classes became an everyday thing and they started to eat lunch together. Over the next couple of weeks, he became the person she trusted and told everything to. Savannah learned the reason he switched schools was because he had tried to kill himself and his mom made him move in with his father. When he heard what Savannah did, he wanted to be friends with her and help her out. He knew what it felt like to have no one.

Savannah and Zach started to spend all their time together. But the more time they spent together, the more unsure Savannah felt. She didn’t want to be hurt again and she knew Zach had the power to do that. She slowly started to withdraw from him, talking to him less and trying to avoid him. He continued to try and talk to her, but he realized it wasn’t working. He could do nothing to make her stay. Savannah’s mind was already made up. She was back to where she started, once again she was alone and broken. She loved him, but she couldn’t let him hurt her. Instead, she hurt herself. Because of that one boy months ago, she couldn’t trust any other boy. He ruined her state of mind and now she couldn’t go back to before. All boys were the same to her now and she hated it. Somehow she ended up back to where she started. Savannah was sitting alone in her dark room wondering why life was so messed up.

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